The Golden Girls: A Blast from the Past
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose are gathered around the kitchen table, each with a cup of coffee. Sophia enters the kitchen, a bit disheveled.
DOROTHY
Ma, where have you been?
SOPHIA
I was in the garage, I found an old box with all my stuff from Brooklyn.
BLANCHE
Oh, what's inside?
SOPHIA
A lot of memories, some letters from my husband, pictures of all of us, and some things that should stay in the box.
ROSE
Let's see!
SOPHIA
Hold your horses, Rose. There's one thing I'll show you, but after that, I'll burn this box and the contents in the fireplace.
DOROTHY
Dramatic much, Ma?
Sophia shows them a newspaper article.
BLANCHE
What's that?
SOPHIA
It's an old newspaper article about the St. Olaf's infamous Swedish meatball recipe that got stolen 45 years ago!
ROSE
Oh my gosh! That's the secret recipe that was rumored to bring world peace through its deliciousness. It was never found, and I had completely forgotten about it!
DOROTHY
(sarcastically) World peace through meatballs, the world could use that now. So why is it in your box, Ma?
SOPHIA
Well, because I found the recipe and took it as a souvenir.
BLANCHE
You have the recipe, Sophia?!
SOPHIA
Maybe..
ROSE
We should try to recreate the recipe and have a memorable dinner tonight. What do you think?
DOROTHY
Why not, Ma? Let's see if those meatballs can bring peace to our house, at least for a night.
SOPHIA
Fine, but only if you all promise to help me organize the garage afterward.
BLANCHE
I don't see why not.
DOROTHY
Deal, Ma.
They all sit down and start planning their dinner party. The doorbell rings, and Dorothy gets up to answer it.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Dorothy opens the door to find STAN.
DOROTHY
Oh, Stan. What now?
STAN
Hi, Dorothy. Can I come in? There's something important I need to talk to you and the girls about.
TO BE CONTINUED
The Golden Girls: The Rowdy Reunion
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
DOROTHY, BLANCHE, ROSE, and SOPHIA sit around the kitchen table, enjoying a plate of cheesecake.
DOROTHY
You won't believe the letter I got today. My high school class is having a reunion this weekend!
BLANCHE
That sounds like fun, Dorothy. We should all go. I love a chance to strut my stuff and see how much better I look than everyone else.
ROSE
Oh, I don't know. Reunions can be so intimidating. Everyone always talks about their accomplishments, and I can never think of anything to say.
SOPHIA
Rose, you're too hard on yourself. How about that time you wrestled an alligator in St. Olaf? Or when you sang in the town's annual Herring Parade?
ROSE
Those were fun, but they're not exactly impressive accomplishments...
DOROTHY
Well, I think we should go. It'll be fun to see how everyone's doing, and it's always nice to put faces to the names of the people you've been gossiping about.
They all agree to go to the reunion.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT
The reunion is in full swing, with old classmates dancing and chatting. The girls arrive, and people start coming up to them.
BLANCHE
Well, if it isn't Sally Richardson. My, my, Sally, you haven't aged a day since I last saw you at the prom!
SALLY
(blushing)
Thank you, Blanche. You look amazing too. As radiant as ever.
DOROTHY
There's Phil Robertson. I wonder what he's been up to since high school. I heard he moved to New York and married his high school sweetheart. Isn't that romantic?
As the girls mingle and catch up with old acquaintances, Rose seems to be getting more and more anxious.
ROSE
(clearly anxious)
Dorothy, maybe we should leave. I don't belong here, and everyone's just making me feel worse.
DOROTHY
Come on, Rose. Just go talk to some people. Everyone wants to hear your stories. They're one of a kind.
SOPHIA
Besides, we're all here for you. Remember, we're a team.
ROSE
(gaining confidence)
You're right. I'm here with my best friends. I can do this!
Suddenly, a mysterious figure enters the reunion. The room goes silent.
SOPHIA
Who's your friend, Dorothy?
DOROTHY
I don't know, Ma. I've never seen her before.
TO BE CONTINUED
The Mystery of St. Olaf's Treasure
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
DOROTHY
(reading newspaper)
What did I tell you, Blanche? The police are warning the neighborhood about thieves. We really must be more careful with the front door.
BLANCHE
Well, honey, I always lock the door. I just wanted to make sure Mr. Hinkleman got his mail. I can't help it if that man thinks I'm his favorite pin-up girl from World War II.
ROSE
Oh, speaking of mail, I got a letter from my cousin Ingrid in St. Olaf.
SOPHIA
Please tell me it's gossip about the butter queen scandal.
ROSE
No, Sophia. It's about a long-lost treasure hidden by our great-aunt Inga.
BLANCHE
Treasure? What kind of treasure?
ROSE
The legend says it's a collection of Viking jewels and gold coins.
DOROTHY
Rose, have you been sniffing your licorice tea again?
ROSE
No, Dorothy. Cousin Ingrid said they found Inga's diary, and it contains hints about where the treasure is hidden.
SOPHIA
Oh great, a treasure hunt! Count me in. I've always wanted to see little St. Olaf and its big attraction, the hay museum.
DOROTHY
Mom, this can't be serious.
ROSE
Cousin Ingrid's serious about it. She says half the town is searching for the treasure.
BLANCHE
Well, why don't we join in on this treasure hunt? It sounds like fun!
DOROTHY
Fine, I'll humor you. But, I'm warning you, if the clues lead us to a haystack.
ROSE
Oh, it's not just any haystack, Dorothy. It's the world's largest haystack!
SOPHIA
I'm in! I've always had a nose for treasure. I once found a lost earring in a pile of spaghetti just by smelling it out!
BLANCHE
Let's get packing, ladies! St. Olaf's treasure awaits us!
INT. ST. OLAF - DAY
ROSE
Isn't St. Olaf beautiful, you guys? Look at that view!
SOPHIA
Sure is, if you're into farmland.
DOROTHY
Alright, Rose. Where is that diary of your great-aunt Inga? Let's get this over with.
ROSE
Ingrid said she'd meet us at the town square with the diary.
INT. ST. OLAF TOWN SQUARE - DAY
ROSE
Ingrid! It's so wonderful to see you!
INGRID
Rose, my dear cousin! I'm so glad you've come to join the treasure hunt. Here's the diary.
DOROTHY
Alright. Let's see these so-called hints.
As they start to examine the diary, they are approached by a MYSTERIOUS FIGURE.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
You golden girls should stop meddling in things you don't understand.
TO BE CONTINUED.
The Golden Girls: The Great Escape
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
DOROTHY is seated at the dining table reading the newspaper. BLANCHE enters the room, putting on earrings.
BLANCHE
Dorothy, how do I look?
DOROTHY
You look like you're dressed for a Miami Vice audition, Blanche.
BLANCHE
Oh, you're just jealous because I have a date with the dashing Dr. Murphy, and you're at home with your crossword puzzle.
DOROTHY
(sarcastically)
Oh heaven forbid, I'm actually using my brain for once.
ROSE enters the room from the kitchen, holding a platter of freshly baked St. Olaf pastries.
ROSE
Look what I made, girls! Traditional St. Olaf pastries. They're called Krumkake.
BLANCHE
Rose, honey, we live in Miami, not St. Olaf. It's too hot in here for pastries.
DOROTHY
Besides, what do they put in those things? I remember the last time I had one, I was hallucinating for a week.
ROSE
Oh, that's just because we made them from the wrong type of mushrooms. Don't worry, I checked twice this time.
SOPHIA enters the living room holding a piece of mail.
SOPHIA
You're all not gonna believe this. Take a look!
Dorothy takes the mail from Sophia and reads it aloud.
DOROTHY
'Reunion for Residents of Shady Pines: The Great Escape.' Sophia, it's an invitation to a reunion at Shady Pines!
SOPHIA
Yeah, but 'The Great Escape'? What is this, a prison break?
BLANCHE
I think it sounds like fun. We can dress up and pretend we're part of a heist or something.
ROSE
Maybe we could use the Krumkake in our escape plan! We could throw them like ninja stars!
DOROTHY
Rose, no offense, but the last thing we want in our escape plan is hallucinogenic pastries.
SOPHIA
So, what do you say? Are we gonna go bust some old people out of Shady Pines?
BLANCHE
Let's do it. I'll call and RSVP right now.
DOROTHY
Alright, but remember girls, this is a reunion, not a real escape. We don't want to start any trouble.
CUT TO:
INT. SHADY PINES - EVENING
The girls are dressed for the reunion, mingling with the residents of Shady Pines.
DOROTHY
You know, Sophia, seeing your old friends here is really touching. It reminds me of the importance of true friendship.
SOPHIA
That's great, Dorothy, but I just noticed something. There are a lot more security guards here than usual.
CUT TO:
INT. SHADY PINES - PRIVATE ROOM
BLANCHE and ROSE sneak into a private room where they discover an actual plan for a great escape!
BLANCHE
What have we gotten ourselves into?
TO BE CONTINUED
The Golden Girls: Secret Passions
INT. GOLDEN GIRLS' LIVING ROOM - DAY
The four women, DOROTHY, BLANCHE, ROSE, and SOPHIA, are sitting around the living room, flipping through photo albums.
DOROTHY
Oh my God, look at this! Can you believe how dated our clothes were back then?
BLANCHE
Well, at least we had the good sense not to wear matching outfits like the Lennon Sisters.
ROSE
What's wrong with matching outfits? The people of St. Olaf do it all the time. It's easier to find your friends if you dress the same.
SOPHIA
And with people from St. Olaf, that's important. You know, like how a mother duck can recognize her own chicks.
Dorothy chuckles at Sophia's comment. Blanche pulls out a picture of her with a tall, dark, and handsome man.
BLANCHE
Oh, mah stars! Here's me and Clive Tompkins, the most passionate lover I've ever known.
DOROTHY
That's a different guy than last month's 'most passionate lover'?
BLANCHE
I keep updating the list, Dorothy. A woman's heart knows no bounds.
ROSE
Oh, speaking of romance, I found this old letter I wrote to my first love, Thorvald. He had to move away before we could explore our feelings.
Blanche looks up, interested.
BLANCHE
How far did you get with him?
ROSE
Oh, not far. We only made it to second base.
SOPHIA
Second base? I don't remember hearing about that part of the game.
Rose and Sophia exchange confused looks.
DOROTHY
Sophia, when she says second base, she's talking about kissing with an open mouth.
SOPHIA
Oh! That makes more sense. I thought she was talking about baseball at her age. I didn't even know they had bats back then.
While the ladies laugh, Blanche gets an idea.
BLANCHE
Girls, what if we tried to find our first loves? You know, the ones that got away...
DOROTHY
Blanche, are you serious? Don't you think it's a little late for that?
ROSE
I think it's a great idea! It'll be just like that movie, 'Same Time, Next Year,' only without the infidelities.
SOPHIA
I already tried finding mine. Did you ever hear of Salvatore Bartolotti?
BLANCHE
No, who was he?
SOPHIA
Nobody. I made him up. I was never good at finding my first love.
DOROTHY
Mother, you married him.
SOPHIA
Oh, well that explains a lot.
The ladies laugh and shake their heads.
BLANCHE
Well, I think it's settled. Let's find our lost loves.
TO BE CONTINUED
The Golden Reunion
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Blanche, Dorothy, Sophia, and Rose are seated around the table, each with a cup of coffee. There's a stack of old photo albums on the table.
BLANCHE
Girls, I can't believe our high school reunion is next week!
DOROTHY
It feels like just yesterday we graduated.
SOPHIA
That's not true, Dorothy. You've been moping about high school for years.
ROSE
St. Olaf's high school reunion was last month. It was wonderful! Everyone came back – even the cow that was elected prom queen!
BLANCHE
Why am I not surprised?
Dorothy flips through a photo album, chuckling at the old photos.
DOROTHY
(blushing) Oh, look at me in the prom dress Ma made me.
SOPHIA
You loved that dress, Dorothy - so much so that you wore it to bed for a week after prom!
ROSE
(nostalgic) My prom was lots of fun, too. My date was so handsome – and he played for the football team!
BLANCHE
I – I didn't go to my prom.
DOROTHY
(astonished) Blanche Devereaux, I am shocked!
SOPHIA
Join the club, Dorothy.
BLANCHE
(sighs) It's true. No one asked me to prom. I had just moved to a new school and I couldn't find a date.
DOROTHY
Blanche, that's terrible. But look at you now – you're the belle of the ball!
ROSE
And you've had more dates since then than I can count!
BLANCHE
(grinning) You're right, girls. This reunion will be a chance to show everyone the fabulous life I have now!
The doorbell rings, and Sophia walks over to answer it.
SOPHIA
Keep your pants on!
Standing at the door are two high school students with a clipboard and pen.
STUDENT 1
Miss Devereaux, we're from the reunion committee. We need you to verify some information for us.
BLANCHE
Of course, darling.
Sophia leaves the students surprised and speechless.
SOPHIA
(slips away) Now, where did I leave my hearing aid?
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Blanche sits down on the sofa, and the students take a seat across from her.
STUDENT 2
Miss Devereaux, we need to verify your high school achievements for the reunion ceremony.
BLANCHE
Certainly! I was a cheerleader, in the drama club, and president of the dance committee.
DOROTHY
(smirking) Don't forget your prestigious position in the glee club, Blanche.
BLANCHE
(mocking) Very funny, Dorothy.
The students jot down the information and ask one final question.
STUDENT 1
One last thing – are you bringing a plus one to the reunion?
Blanche pauses, unsure of how to answer.
BLANCHE
I – I don't know yet.
The students nod and leave, thanking Blanche for her time.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
As the girls gather around the table, Blanche looks troubled.
ROSE
What's wrong, Blanche?
BLANCHE
I don't have a date for the reunion.
SOPHIA
Oh, Blanche. You don't need a man to have a good time.
DOROTHY
Exactly. It's about celebrating our high school years together.
BLANCHE
(sighs) You're right, girls. I'm not going to let a man, or lack thereof, ruin my reunion experience!
The girls toast with their coffee cups.
TO BE CONTINUED
The Golden Girls: The Big Competition
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Dorothy, Rose, and Blanche are at the kitchen table, looking through the latest edition of their local newspaper. Sophia enters, holding a piece of mail and looking excited.
SOPHIA: You're not going to believe what came in the mail today!
DOROTHY: Ma, we've been trying to get rid of you for years. Whatever it is, it can't be more important than these coupons for linoleum flooring.
ROSE: Oh! I love linoleum! It reminds me of the time in St. Olaf when we covered the whole town in linoleum. Of course, everyone ended up slipping and sliding everywhere.
BLANCHE: (sarcastically) Fascinating, Rose.
SOPHIA: Seriously, you clowns need to look at this! We have been chosen to participate in the annual Miami Beach Seniors Talent Show!
ROSE: Golly, Sophia! That's a big deal. What kind of talent do you think we should show off?
DOROTHY: Oh, I don't know, Rose... maybe we could wheel my mother out and have her tell stories of our lives, purely derived from sarcasm and mockery.
SOPHIA: (eyeroll) You wanna get sassy with me? I taught you how to be sassy, Dorothy!
Meanwhile, Blanche, excited about the opportunity to enjoy some male attention, starts brainstorming ideas.
BLANCHE: I always wanted to perform a Southern belle burlesque number. You know, just a little something to remind the boys what they've been missing.
ROSE: Isn't that a bit risqué for a seniors talent show, Blanche?
The doorbell rings, and Dorothy gets up to answer the door.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
At the door is GLENDA, their snooty neighbor.
GLENDA: Oh, good morning, Dorothy. I couldn't help but overhear your little talent show secret. My group and I will surely beat you and your friends any day of the week.
DOROTHY: (smirking) Well, don't count your chickens before they hatch, Glenda. Especially when we have more golden eggs than you can imagine.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Dorothy returns to the kitchen and closes the door. She slams her hand on the table in a competitive spirit.
DOROTHY: Well, girls, we are definitely doing this talent show. We need to figure out an act that will blow Glenda and her cronies away!
The girls begin brainstorming their ideas, and what started off as a regular day at their Miami Beach home becomes yet another journey on their endless path of friendship.
TO BE CONTINUED.
