Crazy Life Swap
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
LOIS (early 40s, strict, loving) hastily prepares breakfast. The kitchen is a mess. Dewey, the youngest brother (6 years old, mischievous) sits at the table.
DEWEY
I don't want cereal.
LOIS
You'll eat what I give you.
The front door slams. MALCOLM (15 years old, gifted, sarcastic) storms in.
MALCOLM
Great. Another day in paradise.
LOIS
I better see a smile on that face, young man. I can't control the world outside, but in here, you'll stay positive.
Suddenly, REESE (17 years-old, dim-witted & prone to trouble) chases after his younger brother Malcolm.
REESE
Give it back, Malcolm!
MALCOLM
Finders keepers, genius.
Lois intervenes and snatches the item Malcolm took from Reese.
LOIS
Enough! I've got enough to deal with.
Lois hands the item back to Reese.
INT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER
HAL (40s, kind-hearted, absent-minded) is wearing a lab coat, goggles and rubber gloves. He is working on his latest project.
HAL
(humming)
Where did I put that...
LOIS (O.S.)
Hal! Stop playing and fix the sink!
Hal jumps from being startled, knocking over a box of his project.
HAL
Ah, not again!
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
Malcolm, Reese, and their best friend STEVIE (a child in wheelchair, labored breathing) approach the school entrance.
MALCOLM
Why do I have to go through this every morning?
STEVIE
(takes a deep breath)
Maybe next year... will be better.
REESE
Next year? I won't even make it through today.
They walk towards their respective classes.
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Hal has given up his project and brags a toolbox under the sink. He tries to fix the plumbing as Dewey returns.
DEWEY
Someone put glue in the sinks at school. Guess who got stuck washing his hands all morning?
LOIS
Reese!
INT. REESE'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Lois confronts Reese, who is hiding rubber bands.
REESE
I didn't do it!
LOIS
Oh, so someone else in this family has an unhealthy obsession with rubber bands?
(motioning to the rubber bands)
REESE
Just practicing my aim.
Lois scoffs.
TO BE CONTINUED.
A Day in the Mud
INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
The kitchen is in typical morning disarray, with Reese cooking a huge mess of pancakes while HAL, wearing a suit, sits at the table doing paperwork. MALCOLM enters.
MALCOLM
(to camera)
Another day in our zoo. That’s why I have to get straight A's to get out of here.
REESE
Catch, Dewey!
Reese tosses a pancake across the kitchen at DEWEY, who catches it with his face - he's not that coordinated yet. LOIS enters with a big mud stain on her uniform.
LOIS
(distraught)
Ugh, I fell in the mud, and now the stain isn't coming out.
HAL
Lois, it's your job. Mud is part of the territory. Now me, on the other hand - I have a meeting with the sales team today, and I don’t want any part of that. (smiles)
MALCOLM
(to camera)
That's my parents - Lois, suffering the daily grind, and Hal, always looking for an escape in his job.
CUT TO:
EXT. FRONT YARD - MORNING
FRANCIS, the eldest brother, is in the front yard, fuming with anger.
FRANCIS
(to camera)
They say I'm the troublemaker, but if you had three younger brothers and crazy parents, wouldn't you be?
Suddenly, cold water from a hose is sprayed on him. Francis turns to see who did it.
FRANCIS
(angry)
REESE! Are you crazy? What's wrong with you?!
REESE
(laughing)
I couldn't resist, Francis! You were too easy a target!
DEWEY
(to camera, giggling)
I love it when Francis gets mad.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
HAL is playing an '80s rock song as a PANICKED MALCOLM rushes in.
MALCOLM
Dad! My science project, I left it in the kitchen, and now it's ruined! I swear, Reese did it!
HAL
(bobs head to the song)
Sorry, son, but if you'd kept it in your room like we've told you a hundred times, this wouldn't have happened.
Lois enters, now in a clean uniform.
LOIS
I swear, if we can get through just one peaceful day in this house...
HAL
(innocently)
What was the problem with the project again?
REESE comes in, holding a plastic container.
REESE
Dewey! I found your slime! It was in Malcolm's project!
MALCOLM
(gritting teeth)
Yeah. I know. Thanks for nothing.
DEWEY
(whispered, mischievous)
I saw Reese do it.
INSERT TITLE CARD: MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE
TO BE CONTINUED
The Literary Club
INT. WILKERSON KITCHEN - MORNING
The family bustling around the kitchen, trying to prepare for the day. LOIS, frazzled as usual, directs the kids while they eat breakfast.
LOIS: (yelling) Malcolm! Hurry up, you'll be late for school!
MALCOLM: (sarcastically) I'm not the one organizing a pathetic bake sale for some school library.
REESE: (excitedly) You think she'd let us eat the leftovers?
LOIS: (scolding) This bake sale is important for the school's literary club, and you're not touching those chocolate cakes!
INT. DEWEY'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Dewey is messing with his new pair of walkie-talkies. He checks if it's working.
DEWEY: (into walkie-talkie) Reese, you got yours? Over.
REESE: (from other walkie-talkie) Dewey, don't ever do this again, or I'll shove this walkie-talkie down your throat. Over.
INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
As everyone is packed and ready to leave the house, HAL appears, carrying a stack of old books.
HAL: (proudly) Family, I just had a genius idea! How about we help your mother with the bake sale by giving away some of our old books?
Kids look at each other, confused.
LOIS: (still frazzled) Fine! Just take them and go!
Everyone exits.
EXT. WILKERSON HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Hal hands out the books to the boys.
HAL: Malcolm, you take this one. It's a classic. Reese, here's one with lots of pictures.
REESE: Come on Dad! I can read big words too!
HAL: Yeah, but this one has lots of explosions.
Reese immediately looks more interested.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - MORNING
Malcolm and his friends STEVIE and LLOYD are walking together.
LLOYD: (grinning) So, how many brownies did you steal?
MALCOLM: (annoyed) I wasn't part of Reese's plan, I promise.
STEVIE: (labored breathing) At least... your mom... is putting effort... for the literary club.
MALCOLM: Yeah, but now I'm stuck selling these old books with Hal.
INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY
Dewey is presenting his book to the class. His teacher, MS. SIMMONS, seems impressed.
MS. SIMMONS: (smiling) Dewey, that was a fantastic retelling of "To Kill a Mockingbird." I had no idea you were such an advanced reader!
DEWEY: (hesitant) Thanks, Ms. Simmons...
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL COURT - DAY
Malcolm, Hal, and Reese sit behind a table with old books and baked goods. Reese is caught up in his book about explosions.
HAL: (disappointed) This isn't going as planned. No one seems interested in our books.
MALCOLM: (wincing) I know, Dad... It's just that everyone would rather have the chocolate cakes without any books.
Suddenly, a group of students walks over to the table. They seem interested in Dewey's book.
STUDENT 1: (excitedly) Hey, Malcolm! Is that the sequel to the book Dewey was talking about?
STUDENT 2: Yeah, we want it!
Malcolm and Hal exchange glances and smirk.
TO BE CONTINUED.
The Talent Show Fiasco
INT. WILKERSON'S KITCHEN - MORNING
LOIS (mid 40s, tough protective mom) is by the stove preparing breakfast. Dewey (sweet, clever) and Malcolm (smart and sarcastic teen) are seated having food. Reese (the troublemaker) enters the kitchen.
REES
Malcolm, did you see my blue shirt?
MALCOLM
(rolling his eyes)
You mean the one that looks like a cereal box exploded on it?
REESE
Yeah. It's gone!
DEWEY
(smirking)
Oh, you mean the one Simba got sneezed on by an elephant?
Reese glares at Dewey.
LOIS
Alright, enough! Reese, check the laundry. And Dewey... Apologize.
Dewey rolls his eyes and mumbles an apology.
CUT TO:
INT. WILKERSON'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Hal (fun-loving father) is enthusiastically folding laundry while watching an old western movie on TV.
REES
(teasing tone)
Why does the guy in the movie who "doesn't care about love" always end up saving the woman he pretends to hate?
HAL
(serious)
Reese, this is how we learn about love. Watching movies during laundry is a sacred bonding time for us men.
LOIS (O.S.)
(mockingly)
Yeah, right! The only time you 'learn' something is when you're catching a break!
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
Malcolm and Reese walk out of the school together.
REES
Y'know, I was thinking about signing up for the talent show.
MALCOLM
(sarcastically)
Reese, what exactly is your talent? Destroying public property or making everyone in school hate you?
REESE
Hey! I have hidden talents!
CUT TO:
INT. WILKERSON'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Lois, Hal, and Dewey listen skeptically as Reese explains his talent show plans.
LOIS
You're going to sing a song you wrote? Tell me you're joking.
REESE
(mock hurt)
I am not joking, thank you very much!
CUT TO:
INT. WILKERSON'S BASEMENT - NIGHT
Reese plays his 'guitar' made of cardboard and sings off-key revealing his lack of talent.
MALCOLM
(whispering to Dewey)
This isn't going to end well.
DEWEY
(smirking)
Oh, it's going to be a disaster. Front row seats for us!
TO BE CONTINUED
Malcolm in the Middle: The Science Fair Meltdown
INT. WILKERSON KITCHEN - MORNING
LOIS (mom) is frantically packing everyone's lunch as DEWEY and REESE (Malcolm's younger and older brothers, respectively) are bickering.
DEWEY
You took my juice box AGAIN!
REESE
Maybe if you didn't have such a forgettable face, I wouldn't take it!
Dewey throws a balled-up napkin at Reese. Malcolm enters, looking exasperated.
MALCOLM (Voice Over)
Just another normal morning at the Wilkerson's.
MALCOLM
Guys! I need your help with my science project! The science fair is tonight!
REESE
Why would you put it off like that, nerdbomb?
MALCOLM
I didn’t! You guys ruined my mold experiment when you grew that secret fungus in my closet...
Dewey and Reese snicker guiltily.
LOIS
No time to bicker! Reese, help Malcolm with his science experiment. It's the least you can do! Dewey, set the table!
INT. KITCHEN - LATER
The boys are trying to come up with a last-minute science fair project.
MALCOLM
Since Reese ruined my mold experiment, I need an idea of something that people will remember.
REESE
What about a Rube Goldberg machine?
DEWEY
You mean the thing with lots of steps to do a simple task?
MALCOLM
That's actually not a bad idea, Reese.
REESE
Hmm, maybe you finally rubbed off on me, stupid.
Malcolm reluctantly smirks.
EXT. DRIVEWAY - AFTERNOON
The boys have built a giant Rube Goldberg machine, starting from inside the garage and going all the way through the front yard.
MALCOLM
Ok, let's test this out. If it works, we'll take it apart and reassemble it at school. Dewey, start the machine!
Dewey pushes the first domino.
INT./EXT. WILKERSON HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
The machine triggers a series of epic chain reactions - water overflowing the bathtub, cans being knocked over, CDs flying like Frisbees. The family looks on in awe.
LOIS
Boys, what are you doing?!
HAL (dad) enters, covered in motor oil from working on his car.
HAL
This looks AWESOME!
LOIS
Hal, don't encourage them!
The boys watch in anticipation as the machine races towards the final step.
DEWEY
This is amazing! It's almost like something good is happening to us for a change!
But then, the final step fails. The complicated contraption was supposed to turn off a blender, but instead, it catapults the blender across the yard.
MALCOLM
*Gasp* Dad's new lawnmower!
The blender lands on Hal’s new lawnmower, shattering it.
MALCOLM (Voice Over)
Just when we thought our luck was changing.
Lois glares at the boys.
LOIS
You're all grounded, and Reese, you're helping your father fix the lawnmower.
The boys look defeated.
MALCOLM
So much for a successful science fair project...
TO BE CONTINUED
Malcolm's Web
INT. WILKERSON KITCHEN - MORNING
The Wilkerson family is bustling around the kitchen, getting ready for the day. Lois (Mom) is trying to get everyone's lunches together while Hal (Dad) is engrossed in reading the newspaper. Malcolm, Dewey, and Reese are eating breakfast.
LOIS
(Loudly)
Don't forget, boys, you need to be at school 10 minutes early today! Parent-teacher conferences are coming up, so the teachers have a short day.
MALCOLM
(Whining)
But mom... that's 10 minutes less sleep!
LOIS
(Unsympathetic)
Tough. You're teenagers. You're supposed to be tired.
As the boys groan, Hal lifts his eyes from the newspaper and smiles.
HAL
(Excited)
Hey, check this out! There's an article here about some kid who's making hundreds of dollars a week with his own website!
REESE
(Interested)
What kind of website?
HAL
(Trying to read)
Some sort of blog or cartoon, it says... Irksome Interactive? It doesn't matter! It's brilliant!
The boys stare at him, dumbfounded. Hal puts down the paper and grins.
HAL (CONT'D)
You guys could do something like this. You're creative, right? I don't see why we can't make this a family business!
The boys exchange glances before turning back to their dad, unenthused.
MALCOLM
Dad, do you even know how to build a website?
Dewey starts laughing.
DEWEY
Yeah, and I have an amazing stick figure drawing I've been holding onto just for this moment.
Lois interjects, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
LOIS
If you three could create a website that didn't destroy our computer or steal my credit card information, I would eat my hat.
Hal slams his fist down on the table, determined.
HAL
Challenge accepted!
He looks at his sons, who remain unconvinced.
INT. SCHOOL - MORNING
Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey file into their respective classrooms with tired expressions.
INT. MALCOLM'S CLASSROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Malcolm is seated in class, his head resting on his hand. He's doodling stick figure cartoons on the edges of his notebook when he suddenly gets an idea.
MALCOLM
(Voiceover)
What if we actually could create a website? Something that made money, something that made a real splash...
He looks around the room.
MALCOLM (V/O) (CONT'D)
And I know just the people to help me.
INT. WILKERSON LIVING ROOM - LATER
Malcolm gathers Reese and Dewey, pitching them his idea.
MALCOLM
It's simple: we create a website, a cool hub where kids our age can hang out, play games, chat, basically everything we love about the internet!
REESE
And we could have a section where I can post videos of me doing awesome bike tricks and beating up nerds!
DEWEY
No one wants to see that, Reese. But we can have a section for music where I can post some of my piano playing!
MALCOLM
It's perfect! All we have to do is work together and put our skills to use. What do you say?
Reese and Dewey exchange glances before nodding in agreement. They put their hands in the center, three brothers with a unified goal of making their website a success.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Malcolm in the Middle - Malcolm's New Job
EXT. WILKERSON HOUSE - DAY
MALCOLM (VO): My family has been struggling with money lately. That's nothing new, but things have gotten so bad that even Reese and I have started looking for jobs to help make ends meet.
INT. WILKERSON KITCHEN - DAY
Lois frantically flips through bills at the kitchen table. Dewey and Jamie color next to her.
LOIS: We can't lose the house Hal! I don’t think we can afford another mortgage payment!
HAL: I know, I know. I'll take over-time shifts at work, Lois.
Just then, the phone rings. Lois picks it up.
LOIS: Hello? Yes, he's right here. Just a moment please.
Lois hands the phone to Malcolm.
LOIS (CONT’D): It's for you, Malcolm. It's the pizza place you applied to.
Malcolm takes the phone nervously.
MALCOLM: Hello? Yes, this is Malcolm. I am? Really? That's great! Thank you!
Malcolm hangs up, excited.
MALCOLM: I got the job! I start tomorrow!
Lois hugs Malcolm. Hal pats him on the shoulder.
LOIS: I'm so proud of you, honey.
HAL: Me too, son!
Reese enters the kitchen, scowling.
REESE: You're working for the enemy, traitor! I got fired from there last week!
INT. MALCOLM'S ROOM - NIGHT
Malcolm talks to the camera while he is folding his work uniform.
MALCOLM (VO): I'm starting my job tomorrow. I'm nervous but excited.
Malcolm's door bursts open, and Reese storms in.
REESE: You know I was fired from that place for eating the toppings straight from the fridge?
MALCOLM: That's because you're an idiot, Reese.
Reese lunges at Malcolm but Malcolm dodges him.
MALCOLM (CONT’D): Back off, Reese! I'm just trying to help our family.
REESE: You just watch yourself. There's a girl who works there named Karen. She’s evil. She will make your life hell.
EXT. PIZZA PLACE - DAY
It's Malcolm's first shift at the pizza place. His manager, MR. WILLIAMS, is giving him a tour. Karen, a teenage girl, is working behind the counter as they walk by.
MR. WILLIAMS: So this is the counter, where you'll take orders most of the time. Over there is the kitchen area. Karen here will help you get familiar with everything.
KAREN: Sure thing, boss! Welcome to the team, Malcolm.
Malcolm gives her a nod.
MALCOLM: Thanks. I appreciate your help, Karen.
MALCOLM (VO): Maybe Reese was being dramatic about her.
Karen grins sinisterly as Malcolm walks away.
TO BE CONTINUED
