Derry Girls - The Cross-Country Fiasco

            EXT. ST. CATHERINE'S HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

A typical morning at school. Each of the main characters enters school grounds in their unique fashion.

INT. ST. CATHERINE'S HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

The girls, Erin, Clare, Michelle, and Orla, sit together with James around their desk.

ERIN
(SIGHS)
I don't understand why our P.E. teacher insists on making us do cross-country running. You'd think they'd at least take the weather into consideration.

CLARE
It's really not that bad Erin. You'll get used to it.

ORLA
I once read that the world's greatest runners train in harsh conditions to improve their endurance.

MICHELLE
(glancing out the window at the rain)
Well, Derry sure has plenty of that, Orla.

JAMES
I still don't understand why I can't just take dance classes like I did back in England.

ERIN
Because, James, in case you haven't noticed, you're not in England anymore.

SISTER MICHAEL enters the classroom, interrupting their conversation.

SISTER MICHAEL
Alright, back to your seats. I have a big announcement. All students will be participating in the All-Ireland Cross-Country Championship next week.

The girls and James share a horrified look.

CLARE
That sounds awful.

MICHELLE
(sarcastically)
Brilliant, a few hours of non-stop running. Can't wait.

ERIN
Surely there's a way out of this... perhaps a note from a guardian?

SISTER MICHAEL
(ICY)
Any student not participating will receive double detention.

CUT TO:

INT. DERRY GIRLS' LIVING ROOM - EVENING

The girls gather around to discuss their predicament. James and Aunt Sarah also present their ideas.

CLARE
Maybe we can think of this as a bonding experience, perhaps even a... an adventure.

AUNT SARAH
(suddenly brightening)
Oh, I was always very skilled at cross-country back in my school days. Perhaps I could give you lot some words of wisdom.

JAMES
Last time you gave us advice, Sarah, we ended up covering our faces with permanent marker.

AUNT SARAH
(QUIETLY)
Details, details...

MICHELLE
Alright. What's the craziest idea we've come up with so far?

ORLA
We could pretend we didn't get Sister Michael's memo and a bear ate it.

MICHELLE
(skeptically)
Bears, Orla? In Derry?

ERIN
I have a better idea. Why don't we create our own cross-country route that takes us right to the chippy? That way, we can at least turn this running nonsense into something productive.

Everyone thinks about Erin's idea for a moment.

MICHELLE
Alright. But if we're doing this, we're doing it our way.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls - The Tunnel of Love

            EXT. STREET - DAY

Establishing shot of the girls walking down a busy street in Derry.

ERIN: Seriously, girls, I think it's about time we, the Derry Girls, had boyfriends. I'm tired of being single and getting no, you know... action.

CLARE: (nervous) I don't know if I can handle action, Erin. You know my asthma is a nightmare.

ORLA: I like this whole boyfriend thing. Do we get to pick the boys we fancy, Erin?

MICHELLE: You're mental, Erin. Having a fella would just cramp our style.

Suddenly, Erin spots a poster advertising a fair at the local park.

ERIN: That's it. The fair. We'll find dashing fellas there. It's the perfect place to land ourselves boyfriends.

MICHELLE: Ugh. Sounds a bit desperate, Erin. But it's been ages since I've been on the Waltzers. Fine, count me in.

INT. FAIR - DAY

The girls, joined by JAMES, make their way through the fairgrounds. The music blasts and lights flash as they walk past various rides and stalls.

ERIN: We need to find the right ride that's going to put us in the perfect situation to meet the boys of our dreams.

CLARE: (pointing at a ride) How about that one?

ORLA: (excited) Yeah! Let's go, Erin!

JAMES: (apprehensive) Are you sure that's the best one to get boyfriends on? I mean, it's the Tunnel of Love.

MICHELLE: James, are you afraid of the Tunnel of Love? Ha! What a wimp!

ERIN: It's perfect. It's romantic and lads will be forced to sit next to us. Come on, let's give it a go.

INT. TUNNEL OF LOVE RIDE - DAY

The girls, along with James, wait in line for the Tunnel of Love.

ERIN: (excited) I can feel it, girls. Today is the day we get boyfriends.

CLARE: It's just so dark in there. What if we get lost or something?

MICHELLE: Stop being a drama queen Clare, it's a ride not the bloody maze from Harry Potter.

As the girls continue to banter and talk amongst themselves, a group of ATTRACTIVE BOYS makes their way to the Tunnel of Love.

ERIN: (excited) Quick, girls, look! Let's make ourselves attractive. Watch me work the Erin magic.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls: The American Exchange

            INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

The Quinn family is eating breakfast. Mary is reading the newspaper, Gerry tries to fix a broken toaster, Erin and Orla are arguing about cereal, and Granda Joe sits in his chair, grumbling.

MARY: (reading aloud) It says here that the school is starting an exchange program with a school in America. Students from America will come here and stay with local families.

GERRY: (distracted) America? We're taking in one of their students?

MARY: (nodding) That's right Gerry, we'll be hosting an American student for a week.

GRANDA JOE: (grumbling) Bloody Americans. All they ever do is cause trouble.

ORLA: I hear they're all fat.

ERIN: (excited) An American! I wonder if she'll know Brittany Spears!

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY

Clare, Michelle, James, Erin, and Orla walk down the corridor, talking excitedly about the American exchange students.

CLARE: I hope I get somebody who's into animal rights. I could show them around all the local farms, raise awareness!

MICHELLE: (giggling) I hope mine's a lad who can show me a good time. Maybe even join the family business!

JAMES: I just hope I don't get someone who's more English than me.

ORLA: (daydreaming) Imagine if they're a cowboy.

ERIN: (with authority) Remember, we're representing Derry. We have to make them feel welcome and make a good impression.

The group nods in agreement as they enter the classroom.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

The girls and James sit in their usual seats, and a group of new students from America sit awkwardly at the front of the room. Sister Michael stands at the chalkboard, looking unimpressed.

SISTER MICHAEL: (dryly) As some of you may know, we have a few visitors from across the pond joining us for the next week. (beat) Welcome, I suppose. You will each be paired up with a Derry student who will help you adjust to our ways. (pauses) God help you.

She begins to read out the pairings.

SISTER MICHAEL: Let's start with… Erin Quinn, you're paired with Karen Smith.

A tall, well-dressed blonde GIRL with a heavy southern accent stands up.

KAREN: (excited) Oh my gosh, I am like, so happy to be here, y'all!

ERIN: (mortified) Y'all?

CUT TO:

EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - DAY

The gang and their American counterparts sit together on a bench, trying to make conversation.

CLARE'S EXCHANGE, a nerdy-looking guy, sits next to Clare, who enthusiastically talks about Greenpeace.

CLARE: (flailing her hands) And then the fishermen do these terrible things to the dolphins! It's truly awful!

CLARE'S EXCHANGE: (uninterested) Uh-huh...

MICHELLE'S EXCHANGE, a muscular JOCK with a letterman jacket, looks alarmed as Michelle regales him with tales of her weekend exploits.

MICHELLE: (grinning) So there I was, riding the bull, and then…

Michelle takes a swig from a hip flask and offers it to the jock, who politely declines.

JAMES' EXCHANGE is a charming, all-American GUY. James watches jealously as the girls swoon over him.

ERIN: (to James) It's just not fair he's better at being English than you.

James crosses his arms, pouting.

ORLA'S EXCHANGE is a spacey HIPPIE GIRL, staring at the sky.

ORLA: (dreamily) Sometimes I think about clouds, and I imagine I'm one, like floating in the sky, you know?

HIPPIE GIRL: (wide-eyed) Woah, that's so deep…

Karen, Erin's exchange, stands looking completely out of place.

KAREN: This is a lot different than Texas, y'all.

TO BE CONTINUED.
            

Derry Girls: The Great Irish Baking Fiasco

            INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

ERIN, ORLA, CLARE, MICHELLE, and JAMES are gathered around the kitchen table, hatching yet another harebrained scheme.

ERIN
Alright, so you all know about that TV baking show, 'The Great Irish Bake-Off,' right?

MICHELLE
Of course I know about it. Me granny watches it religiously. Obsessed is not the word.

ORLA
I've watched it too! They wear those lovely little aprons. (pauses) And the cakes!

CLARE
(counting on her fingers)
Rules, specific baking theme, time limit – yeah, we can manage that. So, what's the plan?

ERIN
We're going to enter the competition and win, obviously! We'll be Derry's hometown heroes, and it'll boost our cool factor like a million percent!

JAMES
You lot, bake? Seriously? Have any of you ever baked anything without causing a disaster?

CLARE
(ignores James)
So, who's going to be responsible for what?

ERIN
Well, I'll be the team leader, naturally. Michelle, you're in charge of decorations.

MICHELLE
(smirking)
Oh, I'll make it look good, alright. The more glitter, the better!

ERIN
Orla, you're in charge of ingredients and Clare... Clare, you'll be our... moral support.

CLARE
Moral support? Why am I always stuck with the non-important roles?

ERIN
Maybe because the last time we trusted you with an important role, you got tears all over your essay?

CLARE
(raising her voice)
It was just one mistake! How many times must I apologize?

ORLA
(relaxed and clueless)
Eighty-seven.

JAMES
And what do you want me to do?

ERIN

You, James? You'll be our taste tester.

JAMES
I can live with that.

INT. DERRY HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY

ERIN and her gang walk down the hall. MAUREEN MALARKEY overhears them discussing their plan.

MAUREEN
(sarcastic)
Oh, you're entering the Irish bake-off? I can't wait to see this train wreck happening!

MICHELLE
(squaring up)
You got something to say, Malarkey?

ERIN
Enough, Michelle. We've got bigger cakes to bake.

INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

ERIN, ORLA, CLARE, MICHELLE, and JAMES gather around the kitchen table as they hash out the details of their baking plan.

ERIN
Alright, team. We've got two days to master our amazing cake masterpiece. There's zero room for error!

JAMES
What exactly are we making again?

MICHELLE
A four-layer monstrosity that'll shut Malarkey right up.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls: Bridging the Gap

            INT. ST. CADOC'S CATHOLIC SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

Erin, Clare, Orla, and Michelle sit in their usual seats. They are gossiping in hushed tones while Sister Michael watches them suspiciously from her desk.

ERIN
I'm telling you, he said he'd take me to the dance!

MICHELLE
Yeah, right Erin. In what world would Tommy McCool talk to you?

CLARE
(whispering, anxious)
You guys, maybe we shouldn't be talking about this at school?

ORLA
I think he just wants to dance with her, Clare.

SISTER MICHAEL
(disapprovingly)
Is there something interesting you girls would like to share with the class?

ERIN
(sarcastically)
Oh, wouldn't you love to know?

INT. ST. CADOC'S CATHOLIC SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY

The girls are stopped by James, who looks slightly excited.

JAMES
Hey girls, did you hear about the cross-community initiative?

MICHELLE
Ah, no, what's that about?

JAMES
Well, there's going to be a bridge-building event between Catholic and Protestant students this weekend. I thought we could all go together.

CLARE
Oh, that sounds like fun!

ORLA
We could make new friends, maybe even be friends with a Protestant girl. Imagine that!

ERIN
Hold on, is this thing voluntary or do our parents have to find out we attended it?

JAMES
Voluntary, I guess.

MICHELLE
Then count me out. I'd rather be anywhere else.

Erin and Clare exchange looks, silently agreeing that they'll think about it while Orla nods enthusiastically.

INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

The girls are sitting around the table, discussing the cross-community event with Erin's mum and aunt.

ERIN'S MUM
I think it could be great for you girls.

ERIN'S AUNT
It's about bloody time this town started coming together. Sign me up!

ERIN
Well, that settles it, we're doing the cross-community initiative.

MICHELLE
(sarcastically)
Cheers to a weekend of boredom.

INT. PROTESTANT SCHOOL - GYM - DAY

The girls and James nervously enter a gym filled with PROTESTANT STUDENTS. Sister Michael nods at the girls and then moves to talk with the Protestant school HEADMASTER.

ERIN
Alright, let's just make the best of this, okay?

CLARE
What will we even talk about with them?

JAMES
Maybe not religion?

As the girls try to blend in and strike up conversations, Erin spots Tommy McCool, the Protestant boy she mentioned earlier. He smiles at her, but she quickly turns away, cheeks flushed.

MICHELLE
(whispers to Erin)
Look who's here, Erin. Better be on your best behavior.

Erin watches as Tommy starts to walk towards her, a wave of nerves washing over her face.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls: The Sparkling Send Off

            INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

GRANDA JOE sits at the table, burying his face in the newspaper. MARY, ERIN, and ANNA are busily making their breakfast. There's a familiar bickering amongst them.

MARY
For the love of God, Erin, it's nothing to fuss about! Wear my wedding headpiece to the 80's prom tonight if you want to look the part. Simple.

ERIN
(rolls eyes)
Sure, a wedding headpiece! It's an '80s themed party, Ma. Nobody's getting married!

MARY
What you kids don't know these days...

INT. QUINN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Michelle, Orla, and Clare are watching the promo for the prom. The theme is 'Sparkling 80's.'

MICHELLE
This better be good. If not, I brought some vodka to make it interesting.

ORLA
(absent-mindedly)
I'm wearing my aunt's dress, but it smells like mothballs. Do we dance with mothballs?

CLARE
(worried)
No, Orla. We need outfits that do not involve dead insects.

INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Sarah enters the kitchen, beaming with excitement.

SARAH
Alright, ladies. Forget the headpiece, I've got an EXQUISITE dress for Erin. It's only been worn once, and it's PERFECT for the '80s prom.

MARY
(impressed)
I don't think you've ever done anything useful in your life, Sarah.

SARAH
I try, Mary. I try.

INT. QUINN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

The Derry Girls are dressed in their extravagant '80s attire. Each of them, slightly eccentric looking. There's a chaos of last minute preparations.

MARY
(taking photos)
My lovely girls, all sparkling and-- what's that smell?

She sniffs the air and looks at Orla.

ORLA
Mothballs.

MARY
(disappointed)
Sarah! You said that dress didn't smell!

SARAH
(offended)
And I maintain my position that mothballs aren't that bad!

The girls shuffle awkwardly, knowing this is just the beginning of a long and eventful night.

CUT TO:

EXT. PROM VENUE - NIGHT

The girls exit the double-decker bus with their classmates, each holding their breath as they take in the makeshift '80s prom decorations.

ERIN
(disappointed)
This is it? We're supposed to have a great night here?

MICHELLE
Erin, dear, remember: no expectations, no disappointments.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls: The Scavenger Hunt

            INT. QUINN'S HOME - KITCHEN - DAY

Granda Joe is reading the newspaper while Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle, and James sit around the kitchen table. They're having breakfast.

GRANDA JOE
Well, it says here they're organizing a big scavenger hunt across Derry. Winner gets a £500 prize.

ERIN
£500? We have to do this, guys.

ORLA
Ooh, I love scavenger hunts.

CLARE
Sure, it could be fun.

MICHELLE
I'm in. James, you coming?

JAMES
Fine, but I'm not running around in the rain.

CUT TO:

EXT. QUINN'S HOME - DAY

The gang leaves the house and starts plotting their strategy for the scavenger hunt.

CLARE
Alright, so we need to come up with a system to tackle this thing.

ERIN
I say we split up into two teams. We'll cover more ground that way.

MICHELLE
Good idea. I want James on my team. He's English, he'll take it seriously.

JAMES
(rolls eyes) Thanks, Michelle.

Clare, Erin, and Orla form one team, while Michelle and James form the other.

CUT TO:

INT. DERRY - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - DAY

Both teams are searching for items on the list. The English teacher Mr. Martin runs into Clare's team.

MR. MARTIN
What are you girls up to?

ERIN
We're doing the scavenger hunt, Mr. Martin. Have you seen any of the items on this list?

Mr. Martin takes a look at the list.

MR. MARTIN
Ah, yes. Well, you might have better luck in the library for that one.

Erin's team leaves, thanking Mr. Martin.

CUT TO:

Michelle and James visit a store, and Michelle tries to sweet-talk the owner into giving them a rare item on their list.

MICHELLE
Come on, Paddy. It's for charity, is it not?

PADDY
I suppose it is. Alright, but don't let anyone know I gave you this.

James and Michelle exchange smug looks.

CUT TO:

INT. ST. CECILIA'S COLLEGE - NIGHT

It's gotten dark and the scavenger hunt is coming to a close. Both teams meet near the collection point, their arms full of items from the list.

ERIN
How'd you guys do?

MICHELLE
Smashed it. We got everything on our list.

ORLA
Us too! We even found one extra.

Suddenly, Sister Michael appears, coming to gather the items and declare the winner.

SISTER MICHAEL
Alright, children. Time to tally up the scores and see who wins this foolish endeavour.

The gang hands over their items, nervously waiting for Sister Michael to announce the winner. Will the prize be theirs?

TO BE CONTINUED.
            

Derry Girls: The History Project

            INT. ST. ALOYSIUS SCHOOL – DAY

Classroom bustling with students. Sister Michael stands at the front, addressing them.

SISTER MICHAEL
Alright, everyone! Settle down. We have been assigned a history project that's worth 50% of your final marks in the subject.

The girls groan in unison.

SISTER MICHAEL (CONT'D)
The project will be done in pairs. I've taken the liberty of selecting them for you.

Sister Michael starts to read out names.

SISTER MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Orla and James...

ORLA (excited)
Yes! Everyone wants James! We're going to nail this, cousin!

JAMES (annoyed)
Of course, I'm with Orla...It's always Orla.

SISTER MICHAEL
Erin and Clare...

ERIN
Thank God it's not Orla.

CLARE (raising her hand)
Sister, do you think we could swap? You know how over-competitive I get with Erin...

SISTER MICHAEL
And that's exactly why you're with Erin, Clare. Next up, Michelle and Jenny.

MICHELLE
Wait. Who's Jenny?

Sister Michael points to a timid-looking girl in the corner, clutching a cat pencil case.

DEERY GIRLS (IMITATING STEREOTYPE)
New-girl Jenny, ooooh!

MICHELLE (mocking)
And she's got a cat pencil case. This should be a laugh.

INT. HALLWAY - LATER

The girls are discussing their history projects.

ERIN
So, our topic is 'Derry in the Troubles.' Oh, the irony.

CLARE
We need to come up with a fresh angle. Something that'll get us those marks, Erin!

ORLA
Ooh! James and I are doing the Titanic. We're gonna build a model of it!

JAMES
Orla. It’s a history project, not a crafting competition.

MICHELLE
New-girl Jenny and I are stuck with the suffragettes. I don't even know what they were suffering from.

ERIN
They were fighting for women's rights, Michelle! Sometimes I wonder how you make it through each day.

MICHELLE
And yet, here I am.

INT. GIRLS' HOUSE - NIGHT

The girls, along with James, are sitting around the kitchen table, working on their projects.

ERIN
Clare, we should do interviews of people who lived through the Troubles! Gather some first-hand experiences!

CLARE
That's actually a really good idea, Erin!

Michelle and Jenny are attempting to create a suffragette poster with limited parental supervision.

MICHELLE
Alright, Jenny, I've got a slogan for this poster: 'You can't silence the spirit of rebellion!'

JENNY
Isn't that a bit aggressive, Michelle?

MICHELLE
Jenny, you have to be aggressive when fighting the patriarchy!

Orla and James are brainstorming ideas for their Titanic model.

ORLA
Maybe we could make it out of papier-mâché?

JAMES (sarcastic)
Oh yeah, because that's historically accurate.

ORLA
Well, I don't see you coming up with any ideas, James!

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls: The Talent Show

            INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Erin, Orla, and Clare are sitting on the couch. Michelle barges through the front door, waving a flyer.

MICHELLE
Guess what, losers? There's a talent show in town, and the prize is 500 quid!

ERIN
Wow! But what would we do?

ORLA
(meekly)
I can do animal impressions.

CLARE
(dismissive)
No, we need something that would grab people's attention and make us stand out!

MICHELLE
(giggles)
I know something everyone will love! Karaoke! Alcohol involved optional, but highly recommended.

The girls exchange a somewhat excited but uncertain look.

EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY

The gang is gathered around James, who has brought a portable speaker to practice their routine for the talent show.

JAMES
You girls might want to stick to lip syncing since those vocals could mangle an eardrum.

MICHELLE
(sarcastic)
Oh, right. Because you're such an expert on talent, Mr. Musical.

JAMES
(mocking)
At least I can carry a tune, Michelle!

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

The girls are practicing their dance moves, while James watches, unamused.

JAMES
(sighs)
I feel bad for the audience.

CLARE
(angry)
Well, why don't you help us improve instead of sitting there and judging us, James?

JAMES
Fine, I'll give you some pointers. Be thankful I'm doing this.

INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - NIGHT

The talent show is in progress. The girls and James are backstage, anxiously awaiting their turn. Sister Michael appears and walks over.

SISTER MICHAEL
Just so you all know, you're coming on after Aidan Devlin's performance. Be ready in five minutes.

ERIN
(slight panic)
Oh God. Is everyone prepared? This is our chance to shine!

MICHELLE
(grinning)
Hold on to your knickers, girls. We've got this!

The curtain opens, and the girls step on stage, launching into their performance. As they finish, the crowd roars with laughter.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls, Episode: A Tangle of Trouble

            INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Grandpa Joe lounges at the table with a newspaper, grumbling to himself. Mary is preparing lunch, frustration showing on her face.

MARY
Give that Sara girl another chance,
huh? Pfft!

GRANDPA JOE
(mumbling)
Ungrateful sorts, that's what this
family is.

SARAH enters, stumbling onto the chair, with ERIN, ORLA, CLARE, and JAMES arriving in the room.

CLARE
You really need to be more patient,
Auntie.

ORLA
Yeah, Sarah's a great philosopher.

ERIN
Laughs sarcastically.

ERIN
Oh, sure, it's just world peace she
lacks.

JAMES
Seriously, could we all just get
along, please?

INT. ST. MARY'S SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY

The girls and James are at their lockers, discussing their plan for freedom.

ERIN
We need a brilliant plan.

CLARE
Something that can't go wrong.

ORLA
I got it! What if we...No, that
won't work.

CLARE
It's always like this with you, Orla.

JAMES
(smiling)
That's Orla for you.

INT. ST. MARY'S SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

The group sits inside, listening tentatively to Sister Michael.

SISTER MICHAEL
Selling raffle tickets to raise
money for the orphans is a noble
cause. I expect you all to
participate.

ERIN
(raising her hand)
Ooh! Sister Michael! What if we win?

SISTER MICHAEL
(sarcastically)
I'd say you have a better chance
of finding Bin Laden.

Snorts of laughter from the group.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

The group is excitedly planning a raffle scam.

JAMES
What if we don't give them the
prize?

CLARE
That's too risky.

ERIN
I have a plan. We'll finish selling
the raffle tickets, pocket the
money, and switch the raffle bag. Simple!

ORLA
Sounds like a Britney Spears album,
simple and fabulous.

CLARE
(changes the subject)
What are we gonna do with the money,
anyway?

ERIN
(smiling)
Something grand, I'm sure.

INT. QUINN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

The gang sits around a mountain of raffle tickets, strategizing their operation.

JAMES
Alright, we'll sell the tickets
tomorrow. The final drawing is on
Friday, isn't it?

CLARE
Yes, but we should have a backup
plan in case Sister Michael catches
on.

ERIN
Don't worry. We'll stick with the
blueprints. Operation Raffle Ruckus
is a go.

Everyone excitedly cheers, agreeing to the plan.

TO BE CONTINUED.
            

Derry Girls: The Disastrous Dance

            INT. ERIN'S BEDROOM - MORNING

ERIN, MICHELLE, CLARE, and ORLA are huddled around a poorly-designed flyer for a local dance.

ERIN
This looks like it was designed by a five-year-old. Are we sure we want to go?

MICHELLE
Of course we do! It's a chance to meet some proper lads and get out of this house.

CLARE
I do like dancing.

ORLA
I think I ate a flyer once. Tasted like wood.

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

ERIN carries the flyer downstairs, showing it to her family.

ERIN
Aunt Sarah, would you help us get ready for this?

AUNT SARAH
What, that dreadful dance? To be honest, girls, I don't think it's worth it.

GRANDA JOE
Anything to get you lot out of the house.

INT. SCHOOL BUS - DAY

The four girls sit together, discussing their expectations for the dance.

MICHELLE
I heard there's a prize for the best dancers.

ORLA
My mam says I have the coordination of a newborn horse.

CLARE
I have a plan for dancing but I need a partner.

ERIN
All right, fine. I'll dance with you, Clare.

CLARE
Brilliant!

EXT. OUTSIDE SCHOOL - DAY

The four girls see JAMES waiting at the gates.

MICHELLE
James! You're coming to the dance, aren't you? We need some extra embarrassment!

JAMES
Actually, I'm DJing. So, no dancing for me.

MICHELLE
See? Even the DJ knows it's a disaster.

INT. SCHOOL HALL - NIGHT

The hall is decked out, badly, for the dance. The girls arrive, dressed in absolutely mismatched outfits. They all look like fashion disasters.

MICHELLE
I knew we'd regret coming here.

ERIN
Clare, our dance better be worth it.

CLARE
Trust me, Erin. We got this!

The girls head onto the dance floor as the music starts pumping.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

Derry Girls: Operation Makeover

            EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - DAY

Erin, Orla, Michelle, Clare, and James are huddled together, whispering about the upcoming school dance.

ERIN
Christ alive! The school dance is next week and I'm still dateless!

ORLA
I was thinkin' maybe we could ask the wee leprechaun we met last summer.

ERIN
(Annoyed)
Orla, that was a dream you had. And it's not even a good option!

CLARE
What about that new fella Sean from Donegal? He's a looker and seems sound.

Erin and Michelle give Clare an approving look.

MICHELLE
Aye, I'll get our deets from Sister Michael. This Sean guy will be walkin' arm in arm with our Erin in no time. But first, we need to make her look the part.

INT. MARY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

The girls are brainstorming their next move while Deirdre knits on the couch.

DEIRDRE
(Mocking)
Operation Makeover? Good gracious, what are you lot going to do? Transplant Erin's head onto Kate Moss's body?

JAMES
That could work.

ERIN
James, be serious! We need a plan. The dance is in no time.

MARY
How about we give Erin a new haircut and some nice clothes so she feels like a million quid?

MICHELLE
A hairdresser's out of the question, they're way out of our budget. Aunty Mary, you any good with scissors?

MARY
(Smiling)
Good enough for our wee Erin。

INT. AUNTY MARY'S HOUSE - DAY

They gather in the living room where Deirdre uncovers a box of hand-me-downs and Mary prepares the haircut.

MICHELLE
Okay, so we only have one shot at this. She needs to look fabulous or no Sean will go near her with a barge pole.

CLARE
I'll handle clothes.

JAMES
And I can...give makeup advice?

MICHELLE
(Teasing)
James, your knowledge on matters of the mascara is stellar.

Before Mary starts with the haircut, Granda Joe enters the room, grinning maliciously.

GRANDA JOE
Oh, let the transformation begin! But don't blame me if it goes tits up. I'll merely be spectatin'.

TO BE CONTINUED
            

The Bake Off Showdown

            EXT. O'CONNELL'S HOUSE - DAY

The Derry Girls (ERIN, CLARE, MICHELLE, and ORLA) and JAMES are heading towards the front door of O'Connell's house.

MICHELLE:
Erin, I swear to God, if you mess this up for me...

ERIN:
(rolls eyes) Oh relax, Michelle.

JAMES:
What if we get caught?

CLARE:
Stop being so dramatic, James. We're just borrowing some sugar.

ORLA:
For our secret cake.

JAMES:
You mean for the cake we're secretly making for the bake-off.

CLARE:
Way to give it away, James!

INT. O'CONNELL'S KITCHEN - DAY

The gang is snooping around the kitchen looking for sugar.

ORLA:
(sifting through O'Connell's cupboards) Nope, not here.

ERIN:
(in the pantry) Here it is!

MICHELLE:
(subdued whisper) Everyone start scooping!

The gang hurriedly scoops sugar into their bags as they hear footsteps approaching.

CLARE:
Well, it's definitely not ours.

JAMES:
Yes, because taking sugar from other people's houses is a normal thing!

INT. SCHOOL HALL - DAY

The girls and James are carrying their bags of sugar through school, trying to avoid attention.

ERIN:
(feigning alertness) Maybe if we act casual, no one will notice.

CLARE:
But we're never casual... How do people even act casual?!

SISTER MICHAEL approaches them.

SISTER MICHAEL:
You bunch of eejits. What are you lot up to now?

ORLA:
We're, uh, just carrying bags of sugar for a... school project?

SISTER MICHAEL:
Right. Just don't blow up the school. Move along.

INT. HOME ECONOMICS CLASSROOM - DAY

The gang covertly enters the home economics classroom with their sugar. They start setting up their bake-off station.

CLARE:
Do you think we'll get in trouble?

JAMES:
For stealing sugar? Probably. But it was a tasty crime, wasn't it?

ORLA:
(scoffs) Tasty crime, that's a good one, James.

MICHELLE:
Alright you gobshites! Let's get our bake-on!

As they prepare for the cake-making challenge, they realize they forgot a crucial ingredient.

ERIN:
Please tell me someone remembered the butter?!

JAMES, CLARE, MICHELLE, ORLA:
(panicking) Ah, bollocks!

TO BE CONTINUED.