Bluffed Reunion
EXT. BLUTH FAMILY MANSION - DAY
A fancy invitation announces 'Bluth Family Reunion – Get Ready for the Best Family Gathering You’ve Ever Been Blue-thed Away By!'. Aerial view of the mansion, decorated for the reunion. A banner though, hangs limply, only half-heartedly attached. G.O.B's voice is heard in the background.
G.O.B. (V.O.)
This family reunion is going to be the best ever, I’ve got a fantastic chicken dance performance lined up!
INT. BLUTH FAMILY MANSION - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Michael sits at the table with an exasperated look, reading the same invitation.
MICHAEL
(to himself)
Even their invitations are terrible puns.
Lindsay enters, glamorously dressed.
LINDSAY
Michael, can you believe the nerve? Did we really need yet another family gathering?
MICHAEL
Well, it’s not like we’re a family that communicates much, might be good to touch base.
LINDSAY
(snarky)
Tell me, when did you start caring about family values?
MICHAEL
This is our family, Lindsay. It matters.
INT. LUCILLE’S PENTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Buster, wearing a full-bodysuit, is panicking.
BUSTER
Mother, can’t you let me change? I feel like the last grape in a bunch!
LUCILLE
(ignoring him)
Now, G.O.B, for this family reunion, remember that we're here to keep up appearances. Try not to mess it up with some ridiculous illusion.
G.O.B
(interjecting)
It’s ILLUSION, mom! Ugh! Not one person in this family appreciates good magic.
Narrator
Not one person in the family had seen G.O.B do anything close to good magic.
INT. GEORGE AND LUCILLE’S LIVING ROOM - THE PAST
George Sr. waiting, while a young G.O.B practices a new trick in front of the TV. A loud thud, followed by a shattered glass.
GEORGE SR.
I told you to practice the Houdini act outside!
INT. BLUTH FAMILY MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Tobias enters, wearing his own interpretation of a chicken.
TOBIAS
Ahoy, family!
MICHAEL
(turning to Tobias)
What in the world are you wearing?
TOBIAS
I heard that a great chicken dance performance was needed, so I am here to oblige! Arrested Development tradition, right?
MICHAEL
Tobias, I think you've completely misunderstood the essence of that tradition.
TOBIAS
(disappointed)
I thought I truly found my big break... Well, then...
Narrator
Tobias would later audition for a new play in that costume, thinking he finally found his big break. He was mistaken.
INT. BLUTH COMPANY OFFICE - DAY
George-Michael, wearing a suit, nervously talks to Maeby, who has her feet leantly put on the table.
GEORGE-MICHAEL
So, the entire family’s gonna be there? No exceptions?
MAEBY
Yep. Even Annyong.
GEORGE-MICHAEL
(face-palming)
Oh great, just when I thought it couldn't get any more awkward.
Narrator
The events of that day later caused George-Michael to fully comprehend the meaning of the word 'awkward'.
TO BE CONTINUED
Family Feud
INT. BLUTH MODEL HOME - DAY
Michael and George Michael sit at the kitchen table, both looking over paperwork.
MICHAEL
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with this family.
GEORGE MICHAEL
Me too.
Narrator: Michael made a mental note to have a father-son chat about that later.
LINDSAY enters.
LINDSAY
Hey, guess what everybody, I got us onto Family Feud!
GOB enters, holding a dead rabbit.
GOB
(pretending not to care)
Oh, great. That’s just what we need. More humiliation.
LINDSAY
Actually, it might give us a much-needed cash injection.
MICHAEL
(sarcastic)
Oh, I'm sure it'll be great for our image too.
GEORGE SR. enters, agitated.
GEORGE SR.
Damn B.S. network! They keep cutting my funding!
MICHAEL
Maybe it's because you keep throwing money at useless lawyers.
GEORGE SR.
(useless)
Yeah? Well, I don't see you getting me out of jail, do I?
TOBIAS enters, wearing a sailor’s outfit.
TOBIAS
Did someone mention dressing up as lawyers?
GOB
(mocking)
Wow, I'm truly amazed by your commitment to your craft.
Narrator: Tobias took this in stride, as he was used to being mocked; and not always unjustly.
BUSTER enters, wearing army fatigues and an eye-patch.
BUSTER
Oh, I love The Family Feud. What are the chances they'll let me replace my hoo...
Michael interrupts, holding up a finger and shaking his head firmly.
MICHAEL
Don’t. Let’s not probe this any further, okay?
GEORGE MICHAEL
I think it sounds like fun.
MICHAEL
Really? You want to be on national television with our family?
GOB
(shrugs and eats a dead rabbit)
Free food.
MICHAEL
We should just liquidate everything and run.
LINDSAY
(smiles)
Great! We're all in! We need to leave soon before people start lining up for the show.
Narrator: And so, the Bluth family, eager for money and a chance to win the all-new 2003 Oldsmobile Alero, piled into George Michael’s station wagon and headed to the studio...
TO BE CONTINUED
Sibling Shenanigans
INT. BLUTH MODEL HOME - DAY
MICHAEL BLUTH, early 40s, level-headed but stressed, is looking at a clipboard and speaking to his son GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH, 17, awkward yet trying to impress his father.
MICHAEL: George Michael, I've just received this month's expense reports, and it looks like someone in the family has been using the company credit card for personal expenses again.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Huh, you think it's Uncle Gob again?
MICHAEL: Knowing him, it could be. Would you be a sport and talk to your family to figure out who's responsible?
GEORGE MICHAEL: You want me to investigate? You know I'm not really great with confrontations, Dad.
MICHAEL: Just ask around, nothing too serious. And listen, if you find the culprit, I'll let you drive the stair car this weekend.
George Michael's eyes light up at the thought of driving the stair car.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Deal.
Cue the theme music and title card - 'ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT'
INT. BLUTH MODEL HOME - LATER
George Michael approaches his uncle GOB BLUTH, late 30s, clad in his magician's attire, attempting a ludicrous illusion.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Uh, Uncle Gob, I have to ask you about... well, Dad wanted me to ask about some extra expenses on the company card.
GOB: What? Me? Your old Uncle Gob would never dabble in petty misdeeds like that... Also, I don't remember the last time I had possession of a company card, George Michael.
George Michael spots GOB's wallet peeking out of his jacket pocket. He notices the card sticking out.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Maybe you just forgot it was there?
Gob, caught in his lie, doubles down.
GOB: No! Forget it! It's only for illusions! Or... emergencies? Regardless, Gob is innocent!
George Michael nods in deference, not wanting to cause more conflict.
INT. BLUTH MODEL HOME - MOMENTS LATER
George Michael finds his aunt LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE, 40s, applying makeup in the living room.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Aunt Lindsay, I need to ask you about some extra expenses on the company card. Dad thinks it's a problem.
LINDSAY: (sternly) Listen, George Michael. When your father personally takes away your charge cards, a girl needs a backup plan. A good wardrobe is an investment in one's self.
George Michael notes her defensiveness and decides to move on.
INT. BLUTH MODEL HOME - LATER
George Michael locates BUSTER BLUTH, late 30s, playing a video game on his GameStation console.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Um, Uncle Buster, do you know anything about someone using the company card this month?
BUSTER: (panicked) Oh George Michael, I... I thought I was using Mom's charge account! It even had her name! Lucille! Lucille! LUCILLE!
George Michael realizes that Buster's panic attack leaves him unable to breathe.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Just breathe, Uncle Buster. I won't tell Dad.
Buster sighs in relief and George Michael accepts the task of confrontation is left to his father.
INT. BLUTH MODEL HOME - DAY
Michael, upon learning who the culprit is, decides to confront Lucille, GOB, and Lindsay at once.
MICHAEL: Really, all three of you? You're acting like children.
LUCILLE: I thought it was Lindsay's card!
GOB: (smirking) I stole it from her to teach her a lesson.
LINDSAY: (scoffs) Spare me. You were probably buying some ridiculous magic prop for your failing career.
An argument ensues. George Michael nabs the keys to the stair car, sneaking away as the chaos continues.
TO BE CONTINUED
The Missing Millions
INT. BLUTH MODEL HOME - DAY
MICHAEL BLUTH (30s) walks into the kitchen, where his son GEORGE MICHAEL (early 20s) is eating breakfast.
MICHAEL: Hey, buddy. So, I just got a call from the SEC. They said they're conducting an investigation into our family's finances.
GEORGE MICHAEL: Didn't they do that already?
MICHAEL: Yes, and we're about to be in big trouble.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
The rest of the BLUTH family sits in the living room, all talking over each other in panic.
LUCILLE: I can't go to prison again, Michael!
GOB: I just got a big magic gig in Vegas - I can't be caught up in this.
LINDSAY: Maybe the SEC will see how good our charity work is and let us go, right?
RON HOWARD (V.O.): They wouldn't.
MICHAEL: (Sighs) Okay, everyone, listen! We need to find Dad's hidden millions before they do.
INT. GEORGE MICHAEL'S ROOM - DAY
GEORGE MICHAEL is packing a suitcase, his girlfriend MAEBY (early 20s) watches.
MAEBY: Are you sure you want to leave right in the middle of this mess?
GEORGE MICHAEL: Maeby, I have to distance myself from this family drama. I think moving out is for the best.
MAEBY: (Smirking) Well... have fun searching for that money.
GEORGE MICHAEL: (Pauses) Money? What money?
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
The family is gathered, with everyone trying to come up with ideas of where George Sr. could have hidden the money.
BUSTER: Maybe it's in one of Mom's capes... or under her wigs!
LUCILLE: (Annoyed) I have checked, Buster - there's nothing there.
RON HOWARD (V.O.): She didn't.
MICHAEL: Alright... let's just retrace dad's steps.
INT. BANANA STAND - DAY
The BLUTH family is at the BANANA STAND, with MICHAEL and GEORGE MICHAEL behind the counter.
MICHAEL: Dad spent a lot of time here. Maybe there's something hidden...
GOB: (Cutting Michael off) I've got this! (Removes a pencil from his jacket sleeve and taps it while saying 'forget-me-now')
MICHAEL: That's your magic trick - not a solution, Gob!
LUCILLE: (Sipping her martini) I suspect there's more money in my account than in this silly stand.
RON HOWARD (V.O.): She was right.
TO BE CONTINUED
Arrested Development: Special Delivery
INT. MODEL HOME - DAY
The house is unusually quiet. MICHAEL, LINDSAY, and GEORGE MICHAEL sit at the kitchen island, eating breakfast.
MICHAEL:
I can't believe we've all finally agreed on one thing.
LINDSAY:
Well, after everything that's happened, we all need a fresh start.
GEORGE MICHAEL:
I'm just glad we can do it as a family.
CUT TO:
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
The camera pans over several crates marked 'Bluth Company'. GOB and TOBIAS are attempting to lift one.
GOB:
This is the last time I'm ever helping at a Bluth Company warehouse. Where's Buster?
TOBIAS:
I think he's still out there... pretending to be a mole.
CUT TO:
INT. MODEL HOME - DAY
MICHAEL looks out the window, concerned.
MICHAEL:
We should probably go help them.
LINDSAY:
Oh, let them bond.
Suddenly, LUCILLE enters the kitchen.
LUCILLE:
The only bonding that's going to happen is that crate falling on one of them.
CUT TO:
INT. WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
GOB and TOBIAS are still struggling with the crate.
TOBIAS:
Have you tried... accio crate?
GOB:
You know those are fake spells, right?
Just as they're about to give up, BUSTER enters the scene, covered in dirt.
BUSTER:
I've been undercover as a mole for weeks now. What'd I miss?
TOBIAS:
Just some heavy lifting.
CUT TO:
INT. MODEL HOME - DAY
MICHAEL, LINDSAY, and GEORGE MICHAEL listen to LUCILLE.
LUCILLE:
I made an appointment with a therapist for the entire family.
LINDSAY:
I don't need therapy. I'm self-actualized.
MICHAEL:
We should all go.
GEORGE MICHAEL:
Yeah, maybe we can finally be a normal family.
CUT TO:
INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY
The family (MICHAEL, GEORGE MICHAEL, LINDSAY, TOBIAS, GOB, BUSTER, and LUCILLE) each sit in a circle with the THERAPIST.
THERAPIST:
So, I'd like to start with an exercise.
GOB scoffs.
GOB:
Exercises are for athletes and fat people.
LUCILLE:
(reluctantly)
Fine. But not all of us will truly benefit from this, like my brother-in-law who's apparently still stuck at that warehouse.
CUT TO:
EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
OSCAR runs around the warehouse.
OSCAR (YELLING):
Guys! I'm here! I've been waiting for help!
TEXT ON SCREEN: 'TO BE CONTINUED'
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Arrested Development: Family Reunion
INT. BLUTH FAMILY PENTHOUSE - DAY
The Bluth family, MICHAEL, GEORGE MICHAEL, GOB, LINDSAY, TOBIAS, MAEBY, LUCILLE, BUSTER, and GEORGE SR. are crammed together at the kitchen table, awkwardly trying to hold a family meeting.
MICHAEL
(annoyed)
Okay, so it took some time, but I finally managed to get us all in the same room. We need to talk about that unfinished real estate project from five years ago. It's back in the news, and it's giving the family a bad reputation... again.
LINDSAY
(dismissive)
Your projects, Michael. You always think they're so important. They're not.
GOB
(interjecting)
I had some projects too, you know?
MICHAEL
(agitated)
This is not about your failed magic tricks, GOB.
LUCILLE
(rolls her eyes and sips her drink)
Time for another family intervention, right, Buster?
BUSTER
(afraid)
I don't want to go back to Army, Mother.
MICHAEL
(frustrated)
No one is going to Army. We just need to fix this.
CUT TO:
EXT. REAL ESTATE PROJECT - DAY
The family is standing in front of a half-finished building, which is now an eyesore.
GEORGE SR.
(pointing to a banner)
'The Bluth Genius Project': It seemed like a good name at the time.
(Jokingly begins doing the 'Chicken Dance')
TOBIAS
(enthusiastically)
I could use my acting skills to create a promotional campaign and drum up some interest. Perhaps I can use my newly developed character, The Building Inspire-er.
Lindsay looks disappointed in Tobias while Maeby rolls her eyes and hands him a glass of wine.
MAEBY
(teasingly)
Why don't you just join mom and dad in their accessory line?
Tobias is about to respond when a group of PROTESTORS enters the scene. One protestor? TONY WONDER.
TONY WONDER
(megaphone)
Save our city from the Bluths! They're tearing us down!
GOB
(angrily)
That should've been me, Tony!
The family continues to bicker as Michael looks around frustrated.
MICHAEL
(desperate)
We have to work together on this! You know what? We're gonna see this project through to completion. As a family!
Narrator:
It wasn't a good idea but there's always one in every episode.
TO BE CONTINUED.
